I've always been intrigued by the memories I have of this one guy I met in high school.
I'm definitely the neurotic type that thinks too much so I often wonder whether he
was sending me the signals or was I just reading too much into nothing? To anyone reading this: Please tell me. Please tell me I wasn't making a mountain out of a no-hill (not even a mole-hill, as the saying should go). Please tell me that my love/like/interest-signal radar is not impaired. Please tell me I'm not some desperado
wanting it to be something so bad that I read nothing as
something. I frequently think I am an idiot for thinking that a guy likes/d me because nothing actually comes/came out of it ('it' referring to the signals I
thought he was sending me) in the end, i.e. he never actually confessed and he never tried to go after me or anything, that there I was
thinking that he actually liked me and was eventually going to do something about it when in fact, he did/was not! ARGH! That's why I now always tell myself to think that
no guy likes me until he actually says/does something about it.
So anyway... about this guy. Okay, see, I used to play tennis in high school and there is this viewing gallery above where the tennis courts are and I noticed that the viewing gallery had become his most recent favourite hangout... might I add, during my tennis training sessions. Well, ok. I suppose I couldn't know that, but still..! I noticed him always hovering around the viewing gallery whenever I was training there and he'd be looking down at us (or me?) training. The thing is, I never exactly
dared to look up at him... I didn't want to make it seem like I
had noticed him there. Of course, that doesn't stop me from being extra graceful on court, while acting uberly serious about training. The second thing was that, at the time, there were only two girls in the tennis team - we used to train with both the boys' and girls' teams together. So... I mean, you could very well say he might've been interested in the other girl. That's definitely a possibility of course. But okay, here's the more important part that drives me particularly crazy!!!!
There was this one particular physical ed. lesson that we had that our teachers found much joy in thinking that they should teach us farm dancing. Well, see, the thing is, him and me: we're from different classes. And it just so happened that our physical ed. lesson falls in the same period. Normally, we'd have our physical ed. lessons in our own classes since there were enough teachers for each of them to take a class. But that one physical ed. lesson: the teachers had decided to make it a combined class in which they'd teach us how to farm dance.
For this farm dance, we had to form an inner circle and an outer circle, with girls and boys alternating each other in other circles. During the dance, the inner circle had to dance with the outer circle and the arrangement was such that we should always partner someone of the opposite sex. But then again, not always... I think because there was a disproportionate number of boys as compared to girls, with boys > girls. Therefore, there were instances where boys would end by partnering boys. So, then, we had to learn this simple dance routine, at the end of which, we'd switch places such that the entire inner circle would turn (anti-)clockwise and the entire outer circle would turn in the opposite direction.
So anyway, he was still a certain number of people away. And because the inner and outer circles were going in opposite directions, there was no certainty that we'd actually meet: firstly, because of the disproportionate number of boys and girls and the fact that we'd always miss dancing with the person standing diagonally opposite us (I hope I'm not confusing you, but then again, I don't think the technicalities of it is very vital in comprehending the story). With that in mind, I started counting... Would I meet him..?
Then the weird part comes... Before I managed to be done with counting, he suddenly asked to change places with one of the guys. At this point, I think it is necessary to give a little background introduction about Keith (the main character in my story) - with his tall, lanky built, a hint of muscles (basically, muscles which are not the over-developed kind, which I absolutely cannot stand), a boyish (yet a little mischievous-looking) face coupled with soft-looking hair that he had used styling wax to style into soft spikes (a very trendy hairstyle then being sported by the boys in the school) in order to complete the boyish look, he was considered one of the most good-looking and popular guys in school. But he was, I must add, a tad intimidating to those who were "not on equal status as him". With this, you could probably guess that the guy changed places with him without question. But I was rather puzzled because this obviously meant there was a certain girl he was wanting to dance with and I was thinking that a guy of his stature would never do something so overt to dance with the girl he was interested in. Anyhoo, what I was more interested in was...
who was this girl? Was it me? So I proceeded back to counting if we would get to partner each other, and then I realised we wouldn't! I was pretty disappointed... But then! Guess what? He, too, realised that he had somehow counted wrongly the first time round, this was evident because he actually muttered
out loud (but not too loud that everyone could hear), "damn it! wrong position!" and then he asked to change places again. This time, the guy gave him a weird look before changing places with him. So.... what does that mean?!?!?!?! Could it really be
me he was wanting to dance with? Well, till today, I have no clue. It could have been any other girl that he danced with during the lesson...
Well, anyway, we did meet. And sooooo... we were holding hands waiting for the music to start. Fate had it that this time, the player was having problems starting so we were waiting longer than usual for the music to begin. And during this time, I kept looking everywhere else except at him... pretending it was no big deal that he was my partner
and that we were holding hands!!! Gawsh... my heart is racing even as I'm recounting this story. Then, he did something really weird, he looked at me. I mean, he
really looked at me, bringing his face closer to mine and looking at me with a half-, I don't know, smirk? It was like, the right corner of his mouth was slanted upwards and his eyes were gleaming with a sort of playfulness and mischief. Ohmilord, I was so nervous
and very very self-conscious, but I pretended to be annoyed, "What!" I exclaimed. "Nothing," he said, still with that half-smile/smirk on his face.
And then the music finally begun. And we were dancing... 'Left, step, left, step, kick, Right, step, right, step, kick.....' "Why do you keep kicking?" he asked. I didn't know whether to feel embarrassed or happy or annoyed, but I replied indignantlly, "We
are supposed to kick up our leg at the end." "No, we're not!" And so we spent the next few minutes bickering at the end of which I gave an exasperated sigh and said, "Fine!" and then it was time to change partners...
That was the first and last time we ever spoke. After this incident, he still always came to the viewing gallery during my tennis sessions... but shortly after, we moved our sessions to another part of the school, with no viewing gallery this time. In addition, the viewing gallery at the original courts were fairly near to the basketball courts where he would have his basketball training. But there was simply no reason for him to go to that other part of the school. And so guys, the story ends. I'm sorry for the anti-climax, but come on, I think we should be feeling even more sorry for me, no?
So anyway, tell me! Were those the signs? Was I reading it wrong? Was he even remotely interested? See, these questions have been plaguing my mind since, forever. I've never dared to tell anyone because... well, how could I ever dream that one of the most good-looking guys in school would be interested in
me? It would be wayyyy too embarrassing to confide this in anyone. Moreover, my friends and I used to talk about him and his group of friends being too arrogant just because they thought there were a good-looking bunch. How could I seem to be on
his side, right? Ah welll... Signs or no, nothing happened. So perhaps I should stop thinking about it.
