Unforgettable Crying Scenes

It bothers me how 2 years after the break-up, I still find remnants of my ex-boyfriend popping up everywhere. Did he so deeply entrench himself in my life/mind during that two and a half years that even though almost as much time has passed as the amount of time we were together, a large proportion of my thoughts still revolve around him. The food I eat reminds of the food we used to eat together, the activities I do reminds me of the activities we used to do together, the words I read/hear/say reminds me of the things we used to say to each other. So many aspects of my life has become associated with him... Damn, he still creeps into the conversations I have with the people around me.

Just two days ago, my mom had brought us to eat at this Vietnamese restaurant. All the while we were there, I was going, "Jack used to order this," "Jack would have eaten this with that," "Jack used to do this-and-that when we ate Vietnamese," Look at me: I could go on forever. The thing is, Jack and me used to always eat Vietnamese when we were together. So all these memories tend to seep into my brain whenever I eat Vietnamese.

Well, then, just yesterday, I was chatting with a girlfriend of mine. We were talking about past jobs and somehow it got me started on how I had to resign from my previous job because the breakup had taken place in its duration. I had been in sales and I was out on the streets doing a roadshow one day... This was a tender time following the break up. In addition, I was still a newbie at the time - just 1 month into the job. My friend/colleague had, perhaps out of concern or perhaps for conversation's sake, asked how I was doing. She could very well have been referring to the roadshow but I had inevitably linked it to the breakup and suddenly, I was sobbing uncontrollably. The tears just starting rolling and then I just couldn't stop. My friend had to pull me aside to calm me down as well as to ensure we were hidden from our boss's view.

Talking about breaking down in public... there was one time that my family had decided to dine at a Malaysian restaurant. It's not exactly Vietnamese, but it was close enough (being an Asian restaurant and all), I suppose, to have triggered an upsurge of emotions. I had remained as quiet as a mouse because I was afraid that I'd burst into tears if I uttered any word. Unfortunately, when the orders arrived, the sight of the food set me off immediately. I was trying hopelessly to hold back my tears and suddenly I was choking because the tears just had to come out. I remember the look on my brother's face. He was positively shocked and dumbfounded to find such a reaction to food being served. My mom brought me out for a walk to avoid creating a scene in that nice little place.

I wonder if these memories will fade with time or have they etched a place in my mind, never to be erased?

 image source: Walt Disney's 1951 Classic - Alice in Wonderland